Lessons from a Near Death Experience…what I learned on the other side
Lesson #1: We plan our deaths before we are born
What I am about to share is my subjective experience of leaving my body on the brink of death from a severe electrolyte imbalance and subsequent brain injury in 2014. I put the word “death” in quotation marks as this sacred process of transformation is anything but the end. I write with an open heart and the intention of honoring and exploring “dying” or our great expansion, liberation and most welcomed return home. Words seem to fall short when recounting spirit realm explorations, but I’ll try my best to convey the profound nature of this experience through writing.
What follows is the first of many important lessons I learned from a Near Death Experience (NDE). Thanks for your openness and receptivity, I’m grateful for the opportunity to share. And for anyone who has lost a loved one on this physical plane, I send you a big energetic hug and heartfelt condolences. I want to respect everyone’s experiences with death and acknowledge the diverse emotional states we go through when people, pets, friends or family cross over to the other side.
“What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly. ”
Lesson #1 - We plan our deaths before we are born
I’d been throwing up for hours from a heady combination of heat stroke and food poisoning. Not the most glamorous picture to paint but there I was, curled up on the bathroom floor clutching a waste bin, disoriented from severe dehydration and overcome with fear, anxiety and dread as I ebbed in and out of consciousness. In one last-ditch effort to control my body, I mustered all of my energy and pulled myself off the floor. As I hoisted my body up and tried to steady myself, low blood pressure and gravity got the best of me and I collapsed, twisting as I fell and hitting my head on the corner of the bathroom counter.
I was knocked out cold, or so I thought. My body’s innate drive toward survival mounted one final surge of adrenaline, sparking my electrical system back on and waking me up. In a panicked and confused state, I frantically scooted myself backward along the floor until I felt my spine hit the wall. I gasped for one last breath as my head slumped forward. The next thing I knew, I had popped right out of my body and was observing the scene from above.
There I was, feeling as normal and peaceful as could be in my spirit form, floating above the physical body I called Morgan. There was no pain, fear, confusion or worry, just the most natural feeling of lightness, tranquility and expansion. I continued to view the drama below as if watching a movie. I was curious what would happen next but also detached from it all, completely aware that I wasn’t that body. I watched as paramedics entered the bathroom and lifted the body onto a gurney. In a graphic exorcism-like scene, the eyes rolled back in the head, neon green vomit projected from the body and the arms flailed about wildly with the chaotic firing of nerve impulses, like a chicken running around with its head cut off.
I followed along in the ambulance ride to the hospital and remained with the body as it was shuffled from room to room for various medical tests. The repetitive beeping and flashing lights of monitors permeated the dark hospital room. I then began to feel a physical pull and inner-knowing that there was somewhere else I needed to be. As Morgan’s body slipped into a deep coma state, I took off for the ride of a lifetime.
I found myself engulfed by the most beautiful blackness. A void unlike anything I’d ever experienced as a human. I was surrounded by a blissful feeling of comfort and unconditional love. I continued to float and journey along through this divine darkness with no sense of time or physical limitations of any kind. I was the darkness and the darkness was me, there was no separation. There were no boundaries, judgements or cares, no past or future, everything was taking place all at once.
Eventually I was met and welcomed by a familiar and incredibly loving group of soul-family members and three light beings which I recognized as my spirit guides. They greeted me telepathically with great excitement but also a bit of confusion. They were happy I was there but shocked to see me back, as this wasn’t the time I’d planned to die and return home to the spirit realm.
In many NDE accounts, you’ll hear about “life-reviews” where individuals are shown past events from their life (experiencing their own emotional states and also the feelings of the other people involved). In my case, I was gifted a “future-review”, so I could re-visit the soul plans I had written for myself as Morgan and be reminded of what was yet to come (if I decided to return to the unconscious body in the ICU).
This future-review was far from a walk in the park. The path of coming back into an injured body, with a long and arduous healing journey ahead, was not an easy one. I felt all of the pain, isolation, hopelessness, depression and struggle that would be faced. I also experienced the powerful healing, love, support and soul-growth that would take place. One of the highlights of my future-review was reconnecting with my primary soul mate. I had yet to meet him in my life as Morgan but would align with him 8 years later, in the most synchronistic of ways. The remembrance of this potent love and divine partnership awaiting me on the other side of the struggles, was a significant catalyst in my decision. I’ll share more about this spirit-guided love story in a separate blog post!
After viewing my future as Morgan, I was given two choices. Option one was returning to the physical body to play out a long and difficult recovery from a brain injury and associated health challenges. The journey would be trying but also hold opportunities to fulfill contracts and plans I had made for myself and others for this lifetime. Option two was remaining in the blissful state of spirit and accepting that life as Morgan was a wrap.
The choice was mine to make. There was a strong desire to stay in this space of absolute serenity, joy and love. I was deeply torn, but knew that in this place of perfection, opportunities for growth were limited. I also understood that in the detailed blueprint of my life as Morgan, this was not when I had planned to die. I felt that my job on earth was not yet done. And since you’re here reading these words, I’m sure you can guess which option I picked!
Reflecting on that decision still stirs great emotion and visceral reactions in my system. My body shakes, nausea arises and I am overcome with tears remembering the weight of that choice. This decision to come to earth is one we’ve all made. Which offers a perfect segue, to take a moment to recognize yourself and every other soul that decides to incarnate as a human. That profound choice takes great bravery, courage, strength, resolve and an adventurous spirit no doubt. So give yourself a big pat on the back and an enthusiastic high-five! As humans, we share the experience of leaving our true home and divine state of expansion and love to enter a dense 3D environment, constrained by a physical body and a challenging earth school curriculum. United we are in this unique and profound chance for soul-evolution (whether we consciously remember it or not). Nice to know we’re all in it together! You’re doing an amazing job :)
When I came back into the body of Morgan, I woke up in a hospital bed surrounded by friends and family. I was a bit bruised and battered but ultimately felt pretty blissed out. My body had been “unconscious” in the ICU for several days but it felt like I’d been gone for years and paradoxically in the most consciously expanded state of my life. Upon returning to earth, the details of my NDE quickly dissipated. Flashbacks from the experience would pop up here and there, but I honestly thought I was going crazy and was worried about what others would think, so continued to suppress the memories. I tried going back to my normal life and prior relationships, job and hobbies as if nothing had happened. But having been on the other side of the veil, viewing my future and experiencing a third-eye awakening brain injury, nothing could ever be the same.
Life after dying was a complete unraveling. First of my emotional state and physical body. Next of my ability to function as a “normal” person in the world as I’d become incredibly sensitive to energy and connected to the spirit realms in a new and overwhelming way. And finally, with the shattering of my paradigms as my previous views about the world no longer held true, and the harsh reality of living with a brain injury quickly set in. My understanding of what we call “life” and “death” shifted completely and I struggled to integrate this new awareness. At the time, I’d never heard the term “Near Death Experience” and wasn’t hip to spirituality. I found myself confused, in a chronically stressed state and unsure of where to turn for support. To top it off, I held a deep unshakable sense of heartache, sadness and loss from leaving the expansive state of spirit and returning to the density of earth. I couldn’t understand why I felt so heavy in my heart and soul, which led to deep depression, isolation and fantasizing about leaving my life as Morgan and wanting to cross back over to the other side.
As the years went by, memories from my NDE began to flood back in, bringing with them important lessons to re-learn. One lesson in particular brought me great solace during some of my darkest times. I found comfort in knowing that each one of us plans our death and sets a personal expiration date for our physical body. Your death, just as our life, is planned by you and for you from an elevated soul-level perspective. All aspects of your passing are predetermined while in spirit form. Upon incarnating on earth, you agree to forget the elaborate plans you designed for your birth, death and everything in between by adopting amnesia, so you can learn, grow and heal along the way. Imagine how boring and predictable life would be if you already knew what was going to happen. Where would the fun and soul-growth be in that?
As Dr. Scott Robinson explains, as you plan the timing of your birth, so too do you set a departure date. In theory this return ticket is built into your genetic matrix in the form of something called an “Engram”, a genetically placed tag or a timer trigger mechanism.
You leave your physical body and transform back into infinite energy at exactly the right time. There is no “dying” because there is no end. Your consciousness simply alters form and continues on in its eternal expression. There is no dying early or late and there are no mistakes. This raises the question, what about accidents and tragedies, such as children who die young, suicides, war, miscarriages, murders, natural disasters and genocide? As humans, we tend to assign meanings or judgements to these events. Yet no matter how tragic, devastating, evil, unfair or untimely we perceive something to be, ultimately there’s a higher level purpose and soul plan at play. Everything is divinely orchestrated and is not for us to ascribe meaning to or even understand from our limited sensory perception as humans. Luckily, we don’t have to comprehend these bewildering things and we’re not supposed to.
I believe our job is to recognize and respect the unique plans each soul or group of souls makes for their personal evolution during this earth school adventure (including their death). We are also here to feel the full range of emotions in life and in death (as each emotional experience serves to expand the Akashic field/consciousness). Alongside honoring our emotional expressions, we can accept that there’s much more at play than we can fathom, and choose to trust that everything is just as it’s supposed to be, always. All will be revealed and understood when we transform back into spirit, like waking up from a dream and remembering all of it!
I continue to find profound comfort and reassurance knowing that things are planned with the intention of soul-level growth. This understanding helps me release any doubts and desires to judge or control life or death for myself or others. The experience of leaving my body and crossing over taught me that death is not what we think it is, and is absolutely nothing to fear. In my opinion, death is to be revered, honored and joyously anticipated as the most glorious expansion we all get to experience.
Death, or “entering the theater of change” as my Emin friends like to say, is a great liberation, a blissful return to our true state and connection to the source from which we individuate. In releasing the fear of dying, we can also release the fear of living. Death is something you’ve done many times before and will likely get the sacred opportunity to do many times again. We are all infinite beings of light, eternal and ever-expanding, always learning, growing, healing and evolving, preparing to return home to the void, where everything is held and all is perfection and possibility. In that great emptiness, we are content, surrounded by the purest form of indescribable love…and as full as can be.
~Morgan Kelly Jean
And before you go, the often taboo topic of DEATH wants to engage in a loving and exploratory way. Grab a piece of paper and pen and keep on scrolling. You won’t want to miss this opportunity to learn more about yourself and your relationship with the transformative process of dying.
Take a few deep breaths and imagine your heart softening and opening. Using the prompts below for inspiration, write whatever wants to come through without judging or censoring.
-When you say the word DEATH, how do you feel? What do you notice in your body?
Focusing on your own personal “death”...
-What do you want the experience of “dying” to be like?
-How do you want to feel?
-Where do you want to be?
-Who do you want to be with?
-What do you notice about the environment surrounding you? What do you see, smell, hear and sense?
-What do you want to experience after you “die” and leave your physical body?
-After you transition, how would you like your life to commemorated and celebrated by those still here on earth?
-How does taking this time to write about “death” make you feel?
Of course there are no right or wrong answers, just an opportunity to reflect and explore. And if you feel called, share this exercise with your partner or a family member or friend and have a chat about what came up.
Thanks for taking the extra time to engage with death, a subject that is often neglected or viewed as too sad, heavy or personal to talk about openly. In making the topic of death a regular part of our lived experience, we can release and transmute fear, shift our conditioned beliefs, connect more deeply with others and encourage curiosity, openness and wonder around this inevitable yet truly beautiful process built into the game of life.
“Death is the ultimate learning experience, where you will remember everything you have forgotten. Death is not death at all and Life is not life, you humans have it all turned around.”